Can I add, one party says, “that lock needs fixing”, or “the car needs a service” and seems to think then faeries descend to see to these things. My favourite though after 35 years of marriage in the same house, “where are the clean sheets kept?”
Where is *anything* kept. You move into a house and you put absolutely everything away in every single room except for your partner's clothes. And from that moment on they never know where anything is.
Can *we* add when one party has nose hair? And when the other party (who still keeps up with grooming) points this out said party then attempts to stick it back up their nose.
Such an enjoyable piece. Glad I’m not the only “first party”, who stockpiles cardboard boxes, especially the eminently reusable higher-quality, sturdy ones from posh department stores.
When one party insists on using a fork on non-stick pan surfaces despite having been warned countless times. (Yes, the other party should banish the hard to surrender, toxic non-stick pan).
Yes to just about all of that. Although now daughter is at university and he likes to send care parcels he has come round to the value of a good cardboard box.
I would also add the partner who gives you a running commentary of every single household task before, during and after. "I'm just getting changed then I'll sort out the food bin." "I'm just going to empty the food bin." I've emptied the food bin. I'm just going to take 5 minutes, then I'm going to do the recycling." "I'm doing the recycling...." ad infinitum.
And actually, the "give me 5 minutes then I'll..." thing. What is the 5 minutes for? Especially the transitional 5 minutes when you get in? One partner needs 5 minutes, the other is already preparing dinner before they've even taken their coat off.
Also (variation on dishwasher sheets) the partner who regularly buys the cheapest, nastiest liquid soap he can find in the corner shop and who decants it into your NOT EMPTY reusable liquid soap dispenser which has in it eco conscious and lovely scented soap, ruined forever.
Other party would never change the sheets more often than every six months unless done for him.
Performative cleaning? Other party is on record as stating that cleaning only needs to be done every six weeks. So first party has to do it or fester in filth.
However, some of the comments below (notably the throwing things out without asking) do make me see that my own lot could be worse.
Do those dishwasher sheets actually work? I make my own detergent (from conkers - fantastic) and own cleaning products but have stuck with the evil plastic DW tabs cos the “eco” ones just didn’t do the job properly and I don’t want to wash up. However would use the sheets if they work. ??
Can I add, one party says, “that lock needs fixing”, or “the car needs a service” and seems to think then faeries descend to see to these things. My favourite though after 35 years of marriage in the same house, “where are the clean sheets kept?”
Where is *anything* kept. You move into a house and you put absolutely everything away in every single room except for your partner's clothes. And from that moment on they never know where anything is.
Have you seen the clip from some American sitcom where he asks her where the scissors are kept and she goes on a rant about it. Hilarious!
Genius. When he says I didn’t do (whatever needs to be done) because it wouldn’t be how you like it. #rodforownback
😳🤬🤬
Can *we* add when one party has nose hair? And when the other party (who still keeps up with grooming) points this out said party then attempts to stick it back up their nose.
Such an enjoyable piece. Glad I’m not the only “first party”, who stockpiles cardboard boxes, especially the eminently reusable higher-quality, sturdy ones from posh department stores.
Oh the “We need to…” 😡 Just say “Could you..” or better still “Shall I…” That last one is sooo rare I’m not sure last time I heard it.
All rather worryingly familiar!
When one party insists on using a fork on non-stick pan surfaces despite having been warned countless times. (Yes, the other party should banish the hard to surrender, toxic non-stick pan).
Yes to just about all of that. Although now daughter is at university and he likes to send care parcels he has come round to the value of a good cardboard box.
I would also add the partner who gives you a running commentary of every single household task before, during and after. "I'm just getting changed then I'll sort out the food bin." "I'm just going to empty the food bin." I've emptied the food bin. I'm just going to take 5 minutes, then I'm going to do the recycling." "I'm doing the recycling...." ad infinitum.
And actually, the "give me 5 minutes then I'll..." thing. What is the 5 minutes for? Especially the transitional 5 minutes when you get in? One partner needs 5 minutes, the other is already preparing dinner before they've even taken their coat off.
Also (variation on dishwasher sheets) the partner who regularly buys the cheapest, nastiest liquid soap he can find in the corner shop and who decants it into your NOT EMPTY reusable liquid soap dispenser which has in it eco conscious and lovely scented soap, ruined forever.
I feel your pain
Make a bed? Other party would never make a bed.
Other party would never change the sheets more often than every six months unless done for him.
Performative cleaning? Other party is on record as stating that cleaning only needs to be done every six weeks. So first party has to do it or fester in filth.
However, some of the comments below (notably the throwing things out without asking) do make me see that my own lot could be worse.
Who puts a knife in the dishwasher? Unfathomable.
One more. "What do you fancy for dinner?" means "what are you cooking me for dinner?"
Do those dishwasher sheets actually work? I make my own detergent (from conkers - fantastic) and own cleaning products but have stuck with the evil plastic DW tabs cos the “eco” ones just didn’t do the job properly and I don’t want to wash up. However would use the sheets if they work. ??
Sorry to be so mundane.
also conkers!!!!
Aren’t conkers poisonous? … but then again, we don’t go around eating soap either, very curious how this works! Excellent list.
I think they do
Hahahahaha. Excellent observations, Daisy. You’ve brightened up a miserably wet Monday in Belfast for this reader. 🙏😜
One is, of course, ‘first party’….
always
This is so, so perfect.
I’m right there with you, Sister!